The elusive A-ha moment

Today I feel sad and strange. I spoke with a friend whose daughter survived the same cancer that Luis had. She told me about a teenager from my area who has the same cancer, with a tumour in his chest. It drives me nuts that we don't have any real answers as to why Luis and this teenager from this area have this kind of cancer. It's baffling. I just want to be able to put my finger on it and say "A-ha, this is the culprit". But I don't think that day will ever come for us.

My friend also told me of a local family that is having a fundraiser this weekend because an infant has cancer. It really makes me sad to think about what they're going through, because I was there. I don't reflect on that time of our life too often because we're here now and things are going pretty well. But it was very emotional, especially in those first couple months adjusting to the new reality that cancer was going to be a constant part of our life in the short-term and ongoing concern in the long-term.

People ask how did I do it. How did I take care of a child with cancer and his baby brother, all by myself. The answer is simple. I had a lot of help and you do what you gotta do. We have received so much support that it made it tolerable. Again, I have to express how grateful I am to all of my family, friends and strangers who became friends throughout this last year and a half. To this day, I still have people who are extremely helpful when I'm in a pinch. It's warming to see that the world has so much good in it.

Luis' health update

Luis started cycle 4 of the Maintenance Phase of his chemo in London last week. He was neutropenic (low immunity) and was advised to stay home from school, at least until his next blood counts were taken. His at-home chemo medications were also put on hold to allow his immunity to bounce back. Yesterday, I learned that his neutrophils came up slightly and he returned to school. However, his chemo is still on hold because his neutrophils aren't quite where they want them to be yet.

I'm still knocking on that wood that Luis has not had a fever in a couple months. Every time I sit with him on the couch, help him get dressed or put him to bed, I find my self touching the back of his neck expecting it to be burning up. I'm always pleasantly surprised when it's normal. I'm expecting he will catch something from school at some point, whether it's this month or the next. It's part of the roller coaster that we're on. Let's just get to the end of the ride so we can get off and never look back.

--Mommy