How do you break a mother's heart?

MOMMY:

Tell her 'your four year old son has cancer'.

When Luis brought Luisito to Hotel Dieu and told me the X-ray showed something, I tried not to worry because a little Googling convinced me it didn't sound serious. But when I saw the chest X-ray for myself at Met and the next doctor said it was a tumour, I was floored. This tumour fills almost 3/4 of my son's rib cage. I wish I could show you the X-ray. But even then, it was suggested that it was probably benign because he had no other symptoms. Even when I knew Luis was being flown to London, I assumed I would be home in a few days after some tests. I couldn't even consider that cancer would touch my life so closely. When the doctor in London said it was either lymphoma or leukemia, that was when it really hit me. Was this person really standing there telling me my son had cancer? I had to turn my back to Luisito as I sobbed through the doctor's spiel. He was playing with his friends at school the day before.

To Daddy, if I haven't said thank you for you bringing him to the emergency room on Wednesday morning, "Thank you". You truly saved our son's life. You have also been amazing at asking the right questions to the dozens of nurses and doctors we have spoken with.

My big brave boy has gone through so much with all the surgeries and poking over just a few days. Trying to calm him during screaming and crying has been heart wrenching. You know that kind of cry your kid gets when they REALLY hurt themselves? Imagine having to watch that off and on all day long and there's nothing you can do about it.

Since I've been here, every time I think of the word "cancer", the reality hits me again and I crumble a little. Like Luis said, this is becoming our new norm and now we just have to move forward "one day at a time" as all the doctors and nurses tell us. It has taken me 4 days to have a tearless day. I am obviously still completely devastated, but I'm full of hope that the treatment will be a success. I saw my boy out of bed for the first time yesterday. Even though he still has a thick tube parked in his chest and received his first dose of chemo yesterday through his port, he laughed and smiled a lot. He even made his baby brother laugh over and over again by saying "Hi Daddy" in his Transformer voice. He really is such a sweet kid that lights up a room. That's my big brave boy and I love him so much.